Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Okay, here comes the blog entry that I finished typing yesterday but suddenly disappear...Thinking of it still makes me mad but nevertheless, an important blog entry must still be posted...Here goes...
I'm Tired.
Very very very tired recently. Busy with work and studies (and play if I manage to squeeze out extra time). Both physically and mentally exhausted. SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
I'm Sad.
Sad. Not really for myself, but for quite alot of friends around me. Friends are having serious problems now, it makes my problem seems small and insignificant (but nevertheless it still bothers me coz it's MY PROBLEM). Putting my problems aside, I really hope my friends can get thru these tough times.
Some friends are already in the healing process. They know that only they can help themselves and are thus trying hard to get out of the situation. To these friends of mine, I wish you good luck!!! You all can definitely make it!!!
Other friends make me worry (VERY MUCH). They are trapped in a mess and can't seem to get out of it. Or rather, they chose not to get out of it. Sigh...another case of history repeating itself...although it's not on me this time. Really do not wish to see my friends go thru the same things as I did in the past. My close friends knew different bits and pieces of it but nobody knew the whole story. I believe noone can even imagine what I went thru loh seriously. Although I've never regretted it, I've found myself thinking why I can be so stupid during those times.
Suddenly remembered something that Dan had told me during my 'difficult times'. Thanks ah Dan, what you said left a very deep impression on me and I will never forget it.
Me: "Actually, he's not as bad as he seems and I don't think I deserve better."
Dan: "Please loh, you can just pick any guy out from the streets and he will treat you much much better loh!"
Me: "I'm afraid I will regret my decision."
Dan: "The only thing that you will regret is not leaving him earlier."
True...So true...
Another person that I have to thank is Hazel. You might not know it Hazel, but one of the reasons why I didn't repeat my mistake and get back with him again is because I'm scared you will scold me. Hahahahaha! I remember you telling me that there's once you were so angry with me that you didn't speak to me for some time because you 'counselled' me for so long but in the end I still repeat my stupid mistake of going back for dunno the 6th or 7th time.
Anyway, thanks for all the support given from my friends.
My ultimate point in blogging about all these is that I want to help my friends. However, noone else can help them if they don't start helping themselves first. Friends only serve as a support function. I know it's difficult, but trust me, if there's a will, there's a way!
I'm Lost.
I hate the feeling of not having control over my emotions. This is one of those times. I feel so lost. Have you ever said or do something on impulse and then regret it the very next minute? I have. Many times in fact. I hate it, hate losing control over myself. Trying very hard to change, to control my emotions, to think before I speak. Slowly, I can feel myself going back to the 'old-me'...
p/s: This is the summarised version of the original blog entry, forgot a whole chunk of my blog entry yesterday already...
Elyse bitching @ 12:39 AM | comment
