Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Okay, here comes the blog entry that I finished typing yesterday but suddenly disappear...Thinking of it still makes me mad but nevertheless, an important blog entry must still be posted...Here goes...
I'm Tired.
Very very very tired recently. Busy with work and studies (and play if I manage to squeeze out extra time). Both physically and mentally exhausted. SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
I'm Sad.
Sad. Not really for myself, but for quite alot of friends around me. Friends are having serious problems now, it makes my problem seems small and insignificant (but nevertheless it still bothers me coz it's MY PROBLEM). Putting my problems aside, I really hope my friends can get thru these tough times.
Some friends are already in the healing process. They know that only they can help themselves and are thus trying hard to get out of the situation. To these friends of mine, I wish you good luck!!! You all can definitely make it!!!
Other friends make me worry (VERY MUCH). They are trapped in a mess and can't seem to get out of it. Or rather, they chose not to get out of it. Sigh...another case of history repeating itself...although it's not on me this time. Really do not wish to see my friends go thru the same things as I did in the past. My close friends knew different bits and pieces of it but nobody knew the whole story. I believe noone can even imagine what I went thru loh seriously. Although I've never regretted it, I've found myself thinking why I can be so stupid during those times.
Suddenly remembered something that Dan had told me during my 'difficult times'. Thanks ah Dan, what you said left a very deep impression on me and I will never forget it.
Me: "Actually, he's not as bad as he seems and I don't think I deserve better."
Dan: "Please loh, you can just pick any guy out from the streets and he will treat you much much better loh!"
Me: "I'm afraid I will regret my decision."
Dan: "The only thing that you will regret is not leaving him earlier."
True...So true...
Another person that I have to thank is Hazel. You might not know it Hazel, but one of the reasons why I didn't repeat my mistake and get back with him again is because I'm scared you will scold me. Hahahahaha! I remember you telling me that there's once you were so angry with me that you didn't speak to me for some time because you 'counselled' me for so long but in the end I still repeat my stupid mistake of going back for dunno the 6th or 7th time.
Anyway, thanks for all the support given from my friends.
My ultimate point in blogging about all these is that I want to help my friends. However, noone else can help them if they don't start helping themselves first. Friends only serve as a support function. I know it's difficult, but trust me, if there's a will, there's a way!
I'm Lost.
I hate the feeling of not having control over my emotions. This is one of those times. I feel so lost. Have you ever said or do something on impulse and then regret it the very next minute? I have. Many times in fact. I hate it, hate losing control over myself. Trying very hard to change, to control my emotions, to think before I speak. Slowly, I can feel myself going back to the 'old-me'...
p/s: This is the summarised version of the original blog entry, forgot a whole chunk of my blog entry yesterday already...
Elyse bitching @ 12:39 AM | comment
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
FUCK BLOGSPOT LA!!! JUST NOW TYPE A VERY LONG AND EMOTIONAL ENTRY THEN SUDDENLY IT JUST DISAPPEAR!!!!!!!! THINK I GOT ALOT OF TIME TO WASTE IS IT????!!!!! WAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elyse bitching @ 1:11 AM | comment
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Recently found out that alot of people are very unhappy. Although they might seem okay on the outside, deep down they are the exact opposite of 'okay'. Coincidentally, all unhappy people are unhappy due to relationship problems. It doesn't matter whether you are in or out of love, once it INVOLVES the word 'love' or 'relationship', you are in for deep shit as love is the root of all evil...
There is a girlfriend of mine who had a very stable and blissful relationship with her boyfriend for a few years until recently. Problems started to surface when her boyfriend ORDed and entered into a local university. Previously, she stayed with her bf at his house as her bf can book out every night. But now that her bf is staying at the school hostel and he seems to be always busy with his school work, they only get to meet up during the weekends. Although i do not know the exact problems, but I know that my friend is very unhappy nowadays (although she is trying to act normal in front of us).
Why is it that even the simplest change in one's lifestyle can alter and crumble the whole relationship? Changes are inevitable in one's life and if every change shakes the very foundation that a relationship is built on, no relationship will ever work out.
Crossing over from singlehood to couplehood by marriage seems like a big decision in life. I can't help but wonder whether life will be much better on the other side. Looking at my married friends, they are sort of 'forced' to lead a 'monotonous life' without any major changes. I mean they got to work, meet up after work and go back home together after work. Life for them will be even more 'monotonous' after having children, less time for friends and more time for your children. With a life like that which is devoid of any changes, does it mean that the both of you will live 'happily ever after'? If yes, I really hope that I can lead such a life as soon as possible (And this seems to be the case for my married friends). I am tired of testing and trying in hope of finding 'the right one'. And I no longer believe in Mr Right anyway. The person you marry is just another guy you like who came along at the right time in your life.
Someone once told me, there will be 3 major love in one's life. One will be the one you had loved the most. Second will be the one who loved you the most. The third will be the one you eventually marry. If you are the lucky one who have only one love in your life and it is also the same for your partner, congratulations, you got a 3-in-1 and you may proceed to live happily forever and ever. For the rest of us out there, though sad, but it's a fact, so accept it.
Elyse bitching @ 8:19 PM | comment
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Very busy...Now that the school term has started, I will be even busier...
I had been looking forward to the start of the school term since right after my exams. But now that my school term starts, I feel very sian already, it's a chore for me to go to school. Especially after my first 2 lessons yesterday, I can already feel myself struggling thru the exams again, the units are so damn difficult!!! Okay la, not REALLY difficult, but I can envision myself spending lots of time to UNDERSTAND 1 unit and to MEMORISE another unit. There's another 2 classes to come on friday, hopefully it wun be those 'killer' papers again.
Alot of things on my mind also, that's why I have been struggling with myself for the past...hmmm, dunno how many days, weeks or even months already. I had already lost count. History is repeating itself, but I am very sure that I have changed since then. So, although the same things are starting to happen to me, I'm very determined to avoid the same ending again. How, I do not know. Still contemplating. Still planning. Looking for the best way out of the mess.
Dun really know what I want now. I think I want something interesting to be injected into my boring life. I feel like travelling. My ultimate dream country is Greece, but I still have a long way to go until I have the ability to travel to Europe. For now, I want to go Bangkok. Want to go Korea also, but $$$ is still a problem...Sigh...In my next life, I should really be born into a really rich rich rich family, with a silver spoon in my mouth from young. But life cannot be perfect, I believe rich people also have their own set of problems.
Hahaha, but I think there's actually alot of things I want. For example, Gucci tote bag, iPod Nano etc. There will always be something I want. Aiya, must have goals in life mah right?? ;p
For now, I'll go find something to eat and then watch TV already. It's not very often that I can get a day when I neither need to work nor go to school. Ciao!
Elyse bitching @ 2:17 PM | comment
Friday, September 09, 2005
This whole week had been a busy week...and the 'busyness' is not gonna end just yet...
Monday went out for the whole day after I woke up, watched midnight show 'Red Eye'...not bad la...the movie's abit short though...
Tuesday went to Johore after I woke up. Errr...and that's about 4pm. So by the time we went, it's already 6pm. Nevertheless, went by car very convenient...so still okay...Will give more details of my Johore trip in my next blog entry, now just a summary of my 'busyness'...haha
Wednesday working. Then after finish work met Rachel and Eugene go Mambo. Quite alot of my other friends are there also. The music for the night was not bad, plus saw some of the Project Superstars there. Never see my dearest Junyang, although he did come (errr...with Huiping...and the rest la of course, haha). Keep seeing THAT Derrick (Sorry...but I dislike him very much).
Thursday is nua-day. Woke up very late...nua mah...
Sigh...tomorrow working again...Sian...
Oh ya, just read one of my school friend's blog. She mentioned this is a recent blog entry:
Girls tend to avoid people who treat them nicely coz they are afraid that they might not be able to reciprocate.
Girls tend to be attracted to people who dun treat them as nice because of human nature. Humans like challenges and the feeling of being a 'winner'. When a person close to you usually ignores you, almost every day is a gloomy day for you. If one day, he suddenly treats you very nicely, you will be ecstatic!
Without the gloomy days, you wouldn't really feel the ecstasy when he treats you well once in a blue moon. That is the logic behind 'nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai'...Hmm, quite true huh...
Recently I'm thinking that if I only have the following 2 choices, which would I choose?
1) Married with kids. Looks like a happy family but husband has a mistress outside. You're stuck in the marriage (either you love your husband very much or you're concerned about how the divorce will affect the kids). You have to accept the fact that your husband will continue the affair with his mistress, but he still wants you and the kids.
2) The mistress of the above husband-of-another-woman. He treats you very well, giving you everything you want and the both of you are happy together. But you know that you will never have a 'happily-ever-after' coz he has no intentions of leaving his wife and children. You also have to know that you will never have a 'status' and will be labeled as a 'third party'.
If there are no other alternatives, which one would YOU choose???
Elyse bitching @ 12:44 AM | comment
Friday, September 02, 2005
Alot of things to say...
I got my exam results already...Okay loh...2 2nd upper and 2 2nd lower. Seems like alot of people think that I got quite good results. I think okay loh, not very good mah, I didn't get any 1st class...For your info, for the efforts I put in, if I didn't get at least this kinda results hor, I surely bang my head against the wall or quit school already. Now got people think I bragging about my results. Eh please loh, firstly, I dun think my results are good enough for me to 'BRAG' about loh. Secondly, please dun think that I secretly started studying earlier than you all okay. I think I started later than you all or at least started at the same time loh. So you all want to find some people to blame please dun find me okay f**king hell, maybe you all can blame yourself for not being smart enough or something. So now you all know you all not clever enough to study last minute then please study earlier the next semester okay...dun fail or nearly fail already then start to talk nonsense hor please.
Seriously, don't say i biased or what okay...But I really think that JC students cannot make it loh. Especially if you come to SIM. Eh please loh, the local uni reserve at least 80% of their places for JC students leh, but if you still cannot get in and have to come to SIM...doesn't it mean that the JC students in SIM are the stupidest of the lot?? It's unlike Poly leh where it's very difficult to get into local uni unless you are the top 10% or something...especially if ur in the business faculty. Other than studying, I find that JC students are also very inflexible when doing things. They only know how to go by the book and do things in traditional ways loh, dunno how to use their own brain one...Tired ah this type of people...
Okay, come to the 2nd topic. Yesterday night went to Dbl-O Ladies Night with the girls. Girls' Night Out!!! Quite fun...coz entrance free plus most importantly got free drinks...haha. But then my night is spoiled by some stupid, lusty slut on the dancefloor. Let me tell you all the whole story...
Once upon a time got one slut go Dbl-O on a ladies night (specifically, it's on 31 sep 2005), then she was dancing around some guys (which I dunno whether they know each other or not la). Then after that she was dancing very close to this particular guy. After dancing for awhile, she gradually took the guy's hands and put it on her breasts loh! Then the guy know this girl 'log' already then happily continue to touch her all over already loh. Before long, the 2 of them are french-kissing on the dancefloor with some of the guy's friends whispering among themselves and wolf-whistling. This story is not yet over loh. I also witnessed her teasing some other guys, for example, poking them in their stomach and giving them a slutty look. After that, another guy came up and danced with her in the same way loh (of course la, the guy know she's a 'log' girl already mah...naturally all the guys will come flocking to her).
EH, WHAT THE F**K LOH!!! HOW COME GOT THIS KINDA GIRLS ONE??? DEGRADE THEMSELVES NEVER MIND LEH, BUT IT IS BECAUSE OF THIS KINDA GIRLS THAT PEOPLE NOWADAYS SAY SINGAPOREAN GALS ARE BITCHY LOH. EH, YOU WANT TO BE A SLUT GO AHEAD LOH, BUT PLEASE DUN AFFECT THE IMAGE OF SINGAPOREAN GIRLS CAN???!!! IT'S NOT LIKE THE GUYS PAY YOU MONEY OR WHAT LEH, WHY LET THEM TOUCH AND PERFORM FREE SHOWS LET OTHER PEOPLE SEE??!!! I HATE THIS KINDA SLUTSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CURSE HER CANNOT FIND A GOOD BF AND HUSBAND EVER AND NO GUY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER WILL EVER TAKE HER SERIOUSLY COZ SHE TOO 'LOG' ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUN SAY I'M SO BAD LOH, COZ I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE TIS KINDA GIRLS AND IT'S NOT LIKE MY CURSE WILL REALLY WORK ANYWAY. THE GUYS ALSO LOH, BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE THEN ALL FLOCK OVER LIKE DUNNO WHAT LIKE THAT! CURSE THE GUYS TO HELL ALSO!!!! F**K ALL BASTARDS AND SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I already concluded long ago that guys only go clubbing for 2 reasons:
1) Look at girls.
2) Sian girls.
So you can imagine why the guys go clubbing on ladies night even when they have to pay for their cover and drinks. Guys all go clubbing to try to take advantage of gals one...especially on ladies night...the guys are even more daring, thought that all women are sluts like that. Only one comment...F**K OFF LOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really very sian already...seeing the dark side of human nature really depress me...
p/s: Anyway, congrats to Weilian for being our very first Project Superstar!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well done!!! You have come a long way...continue to work hard k??? *muacks*
Elyse bitching @ 12:32 AM | comment
