Thursday, August 11, 2005
Errr...just woke up. Went Mambo yesterday night, so damn crowded. Met a few long lost friends there, like Vance and Yen San...Yesterday's Mambo also brought back some fond memories of mine which I have carefully kept it in my heart...Sigh...
Actually I think I'm going thru a drastic change in my character and behaviour now. Other than my family, some old friends of mine might have experienced some of my previous drastic changes.
First time, I changed from being a very quiet girl to a very noisy girl in secondary school. (haha, Meng-ge knows!) From young, I have been a very very quiet girl who will always sit one side and noone will notice me. Then suddenly in Secondary 3, dunno why suddenly become very talkative. Maybe because of my new friends after the Sec 2 streaming...haha (Like Weixiao, Daphne, Shanru, Karen and Aibing...)
Second time, I changed my priorities because of a break-up with an ex-bf. Last time think coz I'm still young, I treated relationships very very seriously and my bf will always come first for me. I think most girls are like that to a certain extent but I think my case abit extreme. For eg, I would have a pre-arranged date with my friends, but my bf will suddenly call say wanna meet me then I will immediately without hesitation pang seh my friends. (Now thinking about it, I feel so bad) But after some break-ups, I realised that doing this will cause me to drift apart from my friends and after my break-ups I have noone to talk to. From then on, I know that family and friends are there forever but bfs and even husbands will come and go. My priorities thus changed. Not that friends are now more important than bf but I will always try to arrange equal quality time with my family, bf and friends. (although it might prove abit difficult to please everyone but I try my best)
I think the above 2 changes are for the better. But I think this change that I'm going thru now is not a good one.
After ending my previous relationship of 6 years, I sort of totally lost confidence in relationships. I think that most relationships do not last. I believe that relationships are bound to have problems and some problems which cannot be solved will eventually lead to break-ups. And in the case of marriages, divorces come into the picture. So thinking about it, there's actually no point in being in a relationship or marriage. And recently, I found out that there are people in this world who actually have this kind of thinking also. (SURPRISE SURPRISE!) However, this type of things is really not in your control. (I hate not being in control of things!) Sometimes, you just fall into it, like a trap.
Anyway, back to the point. During the 6-year relationship, I'm like a peace-maker. I hate getting into conflicts and so i will swallow everything although I'm very very not happy and act as if nothing happened. This will cause explosions in the end when I'm overflowed with fury and these explosions usually lead to break-ups. So now, I tend to express every unhappiness that I have (and I think I tend to be unhappy quite alot, haha) coz I don't want to suffer in silence again. This is the case for everyone, family and friends alike. There is no more of the 'compromise' word in my dictionary. This is very very bad right? I think i really need to think more for others like I did before. (but not too extreme la) I realised this change in me recently and I'm really trying to change back but it really proves to be very difficult for me. 'Once bitten twice shy'...it is so true. So, take it as a plea my friends...please try to 'ren' my unreasonableness for the time-being while I try to change back can? And also, I need all sorts of suggestions to help me with changing back to the 'original' me. So all comments are very very welcome.
Now, I'm going to do my 'ending' already. (haha) Ok, on a more serious note. In all relationships, there are happy memories, sad memories and I never regretted any of my relationships. I have learnt so so so much from each and every one of my past relationships. I hereby thank all my ex-bfs for helping me grow up - hopefully into a better person.
Elyse bitching @ 3:59 PM | comment
