Thursday, July 14, 2005
Just found out that I'm contradictary in my life.
1) I Hate Work VS I Love Money
I really HATE working. Accompanied by the fact that I love studying, that is why I went back to school after a year's work. Some friends would know that my job's expiry date is about a month after I've started work. After a month of doing the same old things everyday, i get bored. This is especially so with office jobs. Sales job slightly better but very tiring, so eventually i will get sick of it also.
BUT, I LOVE money. I like shopping alot, so u can imagine how important money is to me. Can ask my friends, (for eg. Meng Ge, haha) I willing to spend alot on just one thing that i like...provided i have that kinda cash la...Plus, at my age i really got to start saving money already. So have to earn money loh, no choice...pocket money not enough for me to spend and save.
Result: Although studying now, still chose to find a permanent part-time job (and i already found a very good one). This is not only because of the money, i think i also need to start training myself to stick with one job no matter how boring or tiring it is. I hate to think that I'll still be job-hopping every month after I graduate.
2) 'Life is Exciting!' VS 'Life is a Torture...'
Life is so exciting!!! There's so many things to learn, so many different places to go, so many cultures i hope to experience, so many different kind of people i can meet...Every day is a lesson to me (seriously!). Sometimes, I really look forward to everyday...
Life is a torture...Sometimes I'm wondering what I'm doing now and what my future holds. Will I join the rat race after i graduate?? Become slaves for money?? Sometimes i really do not understand people. I do not understand what they want and how to please them. And i also do not understand why I have to please them in the first place. Really very tired and depressing at times...
Result: Makes me go into a series of ups and downs. Sometimes really optimistic and sometimes really depressed. Currently, I'm in a state of depression...
3) Good VS Bad
I think I'm a good person. Not very very nice, but shouldn't be too bad. I'm filial to my parents, nice to my relatives and I'll never ever betray people's trust in me...When I see the blind man at the Orchard Road tunnel, I will give him money (If I'm not poor at that time la...)...When I see charity shows like the NKF etc I will cry like mad when I see the suffering patients. (but I would not donate money to NKF!!! Not that I'm unkind but i really don't see why the CEO must get so much pay + bonus and many many other things...) See how good and nice a person I am??
BUT, sad to say, I'm not those forgive-and-forget-type. I believe in repentence in people but i don't see why i should accept it and swallow down all my fury and dissatisfaction. For example, I know and understand that guys separate love and sex. But i still can't forgive a cheating bf/husband. After reading so many articles on guys, i totally agree that guys should be given another chance (BUT ONLY ONE!!!) if they had cheated probably due to some unforeseen circumstances. But agreeing doesn't mean that I'll do it if it happens on me. (CHOI!!! TOUCHWOOD!!!) Because i will always remember it for as long as I live and if I'm still with the (stupid) guy, I will be miserable my whole life thinking about it every now and then. And why should I make myself miserable when the fault isn't mine???
Result: Sometimes thinking whether I'm considered a good or bad person...but does it really matter?? Even if i find the answer, so what?? But probably it'll affect my karma...Hmmm...
p/s: Pls do not think ur stupid if you do not understand what I'm talking about. Coz I'm not very sure of it myself either, think I'm like talking nonsense...
Elyse bitching @ 12:25 AM | comment
